Thursday 30 August 2012

Old Age

What are you thinking when you're looking at me?
A crabby old woman, not very wise,
Uncertain of habit, with faraway eyes?
I'll tell you who I am as I sit here so still,
I'm a small child of ten ... with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters, who love one another.
A young girl of sixteen, with wings on her feet,
Dreaming that soon now a lover she'll meet.
A bride soon at twenty -- my heart gives a leap,
Remembering the vows that I promised to keep.
At twenty-five now, I have young of my own,
Who need me to guide and secure a happy home.
A woman of thirty, my children now grown fast,
Bound to each other with ties that should last.
At forty, my children have grown and are gone,
But my man's beside me to see I don't mourn.
At fifty once more, babies play round my knee,
Again we know children, my loved one and me.
For my children are all rearing young of their own,
And I think of the years and the love that I've known.
I'm an old woman now, and nature is cruel.
The body is crumbled, grace and vigor depart.
There is now a stone where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass, a young girl still dwells,
And now and again my battered heart swells.
I remember the joys, I remember the pain,
And I'm loving and living life over again.
I think of the years, all too few,
Gone to fast, and accept the stark fact that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, open and see,
Not a crabby old woman you'll see;
Look closer ... and see ME!

Monday 27 August 2012

Bowel Incontinence..............and thank you

Thank you thank you everyone for all the well wishes yes I am on the road to recovery the diarrhoea has stopped at last and I am now able to get out of bed and do a few things the thing is that I have been over doing it and then feeling like shit and end up in bed for ages.

I am even well enough to talk about the most embarrassing experiences a person can suffer from and that is bowel incontinence yes you read that right bowel incontinence, it is a condition that many people suffer from and no one wants to talk about or admit they have it.

Well I suffer from it and have done for about 3 years and you know what it wasn't until recently that I found the courage to tell the doctor that I have it, I mentioned it while I was at the doctors last week about being so sick. She told me to go back and see her again and we will see what is causing it.

Now only last week I discovered incontinence underwear, I have used incontinence pads in the past but they don't work for bowel incontinence but these incontinence underwear they are great absolutely wonderful. On Friday while out shopping I had an accident with diarrhoea I was wondering down an aisle and suddenly thought damn I have to go to the toilet and as soon as I had that thought it started running out of me. I was so upset and embarrassed I though everyone would be able to see and I wanted to cry and just get out of there and get home so I went straight to the check out and left. I was wearing a pair of blue pants with a blue top and thought they must be completely stained.

When I got home and went to the bathroom to clean myself up there was not outer sign that anything had happened my blue pants had no stain on them at all. All I could thing was wow I should have started wearing this underwear ages ago. I will now be able to go out shopping with a new sense of confidence.

Why is it so hard for us to admit that we have this problem, if it was a problem you suffered from would you be able to admit it, for so long the only person who knew I had a problem was my husband.

Wednesday 22 August 2012

Still not great and just wanting to sleep............

First up I would like to say thank you to everyone for the well wishes and can you believe I has been a week since I last wrote a post………………

Anyway my little trip to the land of sickness started on Thursday night when I just wasn’t right but on Friday I still got up and dressed and since we had Jess & Leo here on Thursday night I took Leo to day care then I went off to meet the family for breakfast and doing my weekly shopping however, it didn’t take me long to realise that I wasn’t doing  great and ended up having to get Kathy to bring Jessica up so Jess could drive my car home as I didn’t think I could manage driving the car home.
When I got home I went straight to bed and that has been where I have been pretty much since, on Friday I got the start of headache and not just any old headache a massive migraine type headache in fact I work up crying Friday night from the pain in my head. I was taking Codapane Forte which is paracetamol with codeine but it wasn’t helping much and then at some point during the night I remembered I had a “kool ‘N’ soothe” for those of you who have never heard of this product it us a non-medicinal get sheet that you place on the forward and boy did it help in fact I made Tim go out on Sunday and get me another pack. Within 10 minutes of me placing it against my forehead the pain had eased enough for me to get back to sleep. Now I was so sick I didn’t realise that I had forgotten to remove the clear plastic backing on the sheet before placing it on my forehead but hey it work anyway………

Let’s move onto Saturday well around 4am Saturday morning the diarrhoea started but this didn’t stop Tim getting me to go to the supermarket and get a few things, I was in such a state by the time I got home and I had only been gone around an hour but I came home and went to bed again. All I could think at the time was how much worse could I get well the vomiting started around midday Saturday  so worse I did get…………………….lol

All I could drink was water and I managed with tap water for a while but on Sunday Tim went and bought me some bottled water he got 3 litres which lasted me for a day and half. Since I have had a glass of water sitting next to my bed day and night I have covered it with an envelope which was all I could find but this reminded me of nan who would take a glass of water to bed with her and cover it with a sauce…………but I don’t have any saucers……….lol 

I want to thank my sister Sue for pointing out to Tim that because my iron levels are so low that would be making it harder for me to get over virus since being low in iron affects your immunity this has helped him be more understanding.

Also I have no idea whether it has anything to do with the sickness but I have been having the weirdest and strangest dreams I gave   had a long time, with me often waking up thinking what the hell was that all about…………….lol 

Ok yesterday I was feeling like I was starting the road to recovery but no today……………………… I started writing this at 8.30am and not it is 5.20pm I ended up having to go back to bed for a while and I still can’t eat anything ok well I managed to eat something yesterday not much but something but today well I have managed to eat and keep down most of a cheeseburger and I know I should try and eat something else but I just look at food and want to throw up and I am still so tired

Saturday 18 August 2012

Death Warmed Up

I am not dead just feel like death warmed up, vomiting and diarrhoea and massive headaches which are like mini migraines.................I will be back hopefully by Monday

Wednesday 15 August 2012


Do you make friends easy? Or are you are shy person, maybe you are reserved with your friendship and only offer it to certain people.  Do you consider your online friends and pen friends if you have pen friends to be real friends like I do? 

I have never been able to make friends when I was at school I only ever had a couple of friends but I was happy, I didn’t feel the need to have lots of friends and was happy with the couple I had.  After I left school I lost contact with those friends my best friend in high school was Cathy and she was my bridesmaid and godmother to my first born but we ended up losing touch. Why well I think it has to do with the fact that I got married and had children and she remained single, she still is single and has no children and just ended up not having that much in common anymore…….since leaving school well I have not really made any friends yes I have people who I am friendly with but I wouldn’t call them friends to me a friend isn’t necessary everyone you are friendly with…….if that makes any sense.

Then there are other types of friends……………pets…………yes pets are as real as friends as any other friends well in my opinion they are.

Who is your best friend? How long has that person been your friend? 

My absolute best friend is my husband Tim followed by my mother…………..but I think you all knew that already……………lol

Monday 13 August 2012

Be Your Child's Parent First And Friend Second.....

I often see things on Facebook like this and save it to use as the basis of a blog post. This struck a chord because many people now days seem to want to be their child’s friend more than their parent, don’t get me wrong I think a you can be both a parent and a friend but when you child is young or a teenager they need you to be their parent first and their friend second. 

Really being your child’s friend should come as they grow into adults and become parents themselves, my mother is my best friend but she wasn’t so in my teens back then she was my mum. She was the one who kept me in line and gave me guidance and support and discipline, I never ever spoke back to my mum it was just not done……………

Now I think part of the reason teenagers now days don’t always treat their parents with the respect they should, is because they think of their parent as their friend and treats them as such.  I like to think that I am I both my daughters’ mother and their friend but I also want to be their mother first and their friend second.

Sunday 12 August 2012

My Boy's

Last week Jessica decided that she would like Leo to have a pet, so after a lot of thought she decided she wanted to get a puppy and yesterday she found this little guy of Gumtree she had to get some help from her dad to pay for him but she will pay him back and since it was for Leo he was willing to help……..
A few days ago my sister Natasha posted this photo on Facebook of my grandson Blain and I commented that his eye looked turned in it and that was all I said and anyone would have thought I was attacking him by the reply comments I got. Right or wrong I worry about his eye and whether it will have any long term negative effect on him, if his parents have been told that is it fine and it not a problem then that is good but I am not told anything like that then I don’t know. 

Saturday 11 August 2012

It's Cold and Wet but Hey I Can Get Online So All's Good.............

Ok it is Friday afternoon and it is cold and I mean freezing cold and windy but it is August the windiest month of the year, driving back from Charlestown this afternoon the winds were so strong I slowed down to only 40kph as there were branches and twigs blowing all over the road……….anyway I get home and go to check, my emails but no internet so I will write this post and try again later to get online………..

I am still coughing something awful I know I sound terrible so I rang the doctors surgery when I go home at lunch time to arrange an appointment and got an appointment for 1.30pm so I didn’t have lunch just put the cold stuff into the fridge and headed out again. So what did the doctor say well my chest and lungs sound fine I just have the cough that is going around Newcastle at this time………..So I will be able to tell Tim that I have been to the doctors and have no infection, it was so cold that I the heater going for a while.

The last few Friday’s we have had a big turnout for breakfast as in my parents, 3 sisters, a couple of nieces and 1 daughter oh and of course me………….lol So that is 9 or 10 people for breakfast so it has been great.

It is now Saturday afternoon couldn’t get online yesterday afternoon and ended up just giving up so here I am posting this afternoon,  I have just go home from my sister Sandra’s baby shower, there was about 12 of us there. Sandra got lots of nice presents and seemed to like everything she got, my daughter Natasha didn’t bother to show up, and Kathy said I did a guilt trip on her about going because when she rang this morning and said she wasn’t going I got all pissy with her about not going but I really didn’t mean anything by it I just felt like ok you are sick but so am I and I am going and I didn’t expect her to stay long which she didn’t anyway she just called in and dropped off a present hung around for half an hour to 45 minutes and left…….but at least she came…………..

Jessica asked if she and Leo could come over for tea (dinner) and I said no I didn’t want company, Tim is going to work this afternoon and I have no plans to make anything for tea, she was a little annoyed that I said no but she has always said to me that I could say no at any time so today I did.

Michelle came and brought baby Landon and when someone handed me the baby to have a nurse and cuddle my sister Sandra pipped up and said someone take the baby off the sick woman and when I went to give Sandra a kiss before I left she was like get away from me you sick woman and I know she didn’t mean anything by it but I was a little upset by the reaction. 

Well that is all for now I have like a couple of hundred emails to go through and not to mention a heap of blogs to read…………..and comment on……………lol

Thursday 9 August 2012

How Do You Like To Watch A Movie..................

Today I am going to talk a little about how and where you like to watch movies at home or at the theatre, me I prefer to watch a movie at home and alone yes alone why alone you are wondering ok maybe you are not wondering but I am going to tell you anyway……………….

Sometimes while watching a movie I will get excited and want to yell at the screen and when laugh I do not want people looking at me and I like to be able to press pause while I am laughing a lot or crying yes I do cry at times during a movie.

Also I don’t like it when I end up with some tall person sitting in front of me making it either hard to see the screen or making me want to move seats and then there is the whole going to the toilet thing at home I can press pause and go and not feel like I am missing something . 

Also there is the money part of it, have you ever paid to go and see a movie only to find it boring just not something you can get into watching and only stay because it cost you money to go and see it, at home the movies I watch are on TV so not a problem I have if I don’t like the movie I just don’t watch it.

Only one thing that bothers me is that I don't watch movies much

So how about everyone else at home or theatre with other people or alone……………..

Wednesday 8 August 2012

Wednesday's Ramblings or About My Mum's Aniogram

 Guess what I sound awful, croaky and like I am losing my voice but in myself I feel better than I did yesterday also I have an ear ache in my left ear running down to my jaw but not so bad that it is unbearable…………Anyway Little Leo has conjunctivis but the viral type not the bacteria type so he doesn’t need drops for it and can go back to day care tomorrow, although Jessica has taken him over today to have his photo taken. 

I had to go and pick mum up to go and see nan today as she can’t drive till maybe Friday, because yesterday she had to have an angiogram done for those of you who have no idea what an angiogram is, it is this:

A coronary angiogram is a special x-ray of your heart using an injected contrast dye. The angiogram looks for heart muscle or heart valve abnormalities. It can also see if the coronary arteries are narrowed or blocked. An angiogram can also diagnose heart problems including aneurysm (abnormal ballooning of the heart wall), heart arrhythmias (irregular heart beat) or birth defects, such as a hole in the heart.

It showed that mum had has heart disease but what happens next we will find out when she goes back to see the specialist. With mum they went in through the arm.

Like all procedures there are risks involved but mum said when the doctor came to get her to sign the consent form she couldn’t help think you tell me all these things that could go wrong and then say sign please. Possible complications of an angiogram:
·         Allergic reaction to the contrast dye, including hives and itchy skin
·         Bleeding from the wound
·         Heart arrhythmia
·         Heart attack
·         Stroke.

Also I want to get more organised yes you read that right I want to be more organised, I know many people already think I am organised but lately I haven’t felt like it so I am thinking I might start making a list of everything I want or need to do in a day and make things off as I go along. It can’t hurt to give it try right…………
I want to set aside time to write blog post and save them for when I am too busy to write something or when I have an idea that I want to write about and feel it is better to do it while it is fresh in my mind, I also need to set aside time to write letters and then of course there is the everyday housework and stuff.

Back to Leo and his sticky eyes this morning I told him he had to go to the doctor about them and he was sure the doctor would make them worse and when I drove him over to Tasha’s place to wait for his mum to pick him up and take him to the doctors he says to me as we pull up “are you sure this is the doctors? “It looks like Tasha’s place”…………….funny kid.

Tim also had me change the sheets on the bed because he doesn’t want to get conjunctivas so I really should get off my bum and go and get the sheets on the line, thankfully Jessica helped me change the sheets. Ok sheets on the line and second load of washing on and I am wheezing something terrible………  

One more thing before I post Dawson’s mother had her baby at 3am this morning  7lb 03oz  she has decided to name him Landon Alister


Monday 6 August 2012

Welocome to another week and how I spent my Sunday

Hey Hey it’s Monday and what a Monday it is not hot (wouldn’t be since it’s winter) but also not too cold I am sitting here with tracky dacs and two pairs of socks but only a tee shirt. I would love to say that I am feeling great and on top of the world but in truth my throat is sore and I have a cough and a bit of headache………….lol but as I said it is winter and thus the season for coughs and colds……

Yesterday I didn’t get around to doing a post I did read a number of blogs but after I did that and checked in and read comments on my blog, then it was time for me to do our weekly medications that takes a little while and when I had finished that my throat hurt, my head ached and my back also ached so all I wanted to do was sit with my feet up and do nothing for the rest of the night.

Ok just had to put my cardigan on………………lol 

Anyway yesterday Tim and I went over to my parents place for lunch which meant that Tim didn’t get around to finishing the back yard, yes he has only half done the yard again…………..grrrr…………..Lunch was good just beef cooked in the slow cooker in a casserole base with mash and peas followed by apple pie and ice cream for dessert. In the afternoon while I was reading blogs I open a vodka cruiser but I only had the one drink.  

Bloody hell it is cold outside I was just out there to peg the sheets and towels on the line, thankfully it is the only load of washing I am doing today and only did the sheets because last night just before I was going to bed Tim comes out and says to me can you change the sheets please so I did………….lol 

Lately my email program has been running so bloody slow, just the email bit not the whole computer and it is so bloody frustrating……………………grrrr…………

I just looked at my fingers and noticed the two band aids on my fingers both on the same hand……lol one finger the fingernail got caught on something and tore and it was bothering me so I covered it while it grows back a little and the other finger I cut yesterday while I was peeling potatoes at mums and I managed to cut it right down under the nail and boy did it bleed a lot when I did it I covered it with a band aid well two band aids but within seconds the band aid was socked with blood so I changed the band aids but still it was bleeding a lot so I called dad to look at it as he has done numerous first aid courses and he checked it used some hospital tape to close the cut then covered it  with a band aid and then used a bit more hospital tape over the band aid and that stopped the bleeding………..even though it was bleeding a lot it didn’t hurt………….oh yeah and the finger I burnt on Saturday was on the same hand…………….lol

Oh yeah yesterday my sister Sandra felt like she was having early labour pains when she woke up yesterday morning and she said bubs had dropped right down and was making it difficult to stand and walk, when she was walking she had to hold the bottom of her belly for support both me and mum told her to get off her feet and rest she still has 6 or 7 weeks to go………

One more thing last Thursday my sister Sue left to go and visit her friend Anna for a week after a few hours she sent my mum a text saying she wanted to come home she hated it there, mum replied with suck it up you are 40odd not 10 deal………….lol ok there was more to the text but that was the drift of it…… yesterday just before lunch we see her on/off boyfriend Garry’s truck drive past and we are like what is he doing here, the next thing we know Sue is walking through the front door. She said that her and her friend had changed so much that they no longer had anything in common and it just didn’t feel right hanging out together……

Ok I started writing this an hour ago so I think it is time I wrap it up and post it………………….

Saturday 4 August 2012

Saturday and what a great Saturday at that

Ok I have no idea where this post will go I am just going to type about anything that comes to mind and as everyone knows that is nothing new………………lol

I just had a hot bath after which I shaved my legs and underarms, yes I did it after the bath I used my battery operated shaver. Now here is a question for you ladies who read my rambling thoughts do you shave, wax or use hair removal creams? In summer I am more likely to shave with a razor and shaving gel in the bathroom but in winter I use the battery operated shaver ok with my underarms I always use the battery shaver why? Well because I have a terrible habit of cutting my underarms if I use a razor and shaving gel and yes I have tried the creams but don’t really like the smell of them. The battery shaver doesn’t give as close a shave as the razor but it is ok for me and my legs look shaved not hairy which is what is most important to me how they look more then how they feel…….

Today I had Kathy-Lee, Jessica and Leo over for a baked lunch I invited Natasha & Blain but she said Blain has been in a lot of trouble at school during the last week so she wasn’t bringing him here as she felt he was too naughty.  Anyway while I was cooking lunch I had a thought while you are cooking do you stay in the kitchen making sure nothing gets burnt including yourself or do you do other things and just keep checking on the food cooking.  That was what I was doing this morning while I was cooking the veggies I was also blogging, I was trying to make sure nothing burnt and I do ok no food burnt but I did manage to burn my finger with the steam from the electric frypan when I lifted the lid off…………lunch was great it tasted great the girls said the loved it we had roast beef with baked veggies and peas & corn and Tim had spinach which he loves and grows himself.
Kathy left not long after lunch she had to get home and do some laundry but Jessica stayed and washed my car and cleaned out the inside and vacuumed it out, it looks great now after she did my car she cleaned out her car and vacuumed it out as well………Tim gave her $25 for doing the car……..

Before starting lunch today I did a load of washing and pegged it on the line, but after lunch I had to do another load as during lunch Leo knocked over a drink and it went all over the table including onto his mother’s plate of food lucky we had more food in the kitchen which she could have but it meant that I had to do another load of washing as I the table cloth was all wet, yes I use a table cloth I know many people thing such things are old fashion and can’t see the point but I am not one of them I like my table covered with a table cloth.

Speaking of table clothes I get annoyed that most of the reasonable priced ones are pvc the type you just wipe over and that isn’t what I like I prefer a cloth one that can be removed and thrown into the washing machine.

So now it is getting time to think about tea but honestly I have no idea what to have as I don’t feel like making anything…………

Friday 3 August 2012

My Friday and My Thursday and Geroge/Steve

Hey everyone it’s Friday and what does that mean well it has been another bloody busy day like most of my Fridays……………lol

Ok if anyone is interested in reading a little story I have written about an evil monkey go over here and have a look

Yesterday I was flat out reading other people’s blogs I forgot to write a post for my own blog, oh well not drama.  I also had to watch little Sydney-May while her mum was at work, since she was sick and unable to go to day care.  So for the second time this week mum and I took her out to the nursing home with us to see nan, I didn’t have my car seat so mum borrowed Sandra’s car seat and have to say it was a tight fit getting her into the seat but she was a good girl yesterday more then on Tuesday when she was a bit upset. In fact when mum arrived to get us she got upset when I went to put her in the car but was fine when she realised I was going with her………

It is still bloody cold here and I am still not using the heater unless I really have to…………………but yesterday we had 6 solar panels installed, hubby thought it would be a good idea maybe it is I don’t know only time will tell. When he suggested it I said no harm in asking if we can, since we rent I didn’t think we would get permission but I was wrong…………………..

I will leave you today with this quote by: Theodore Roosevelt
Theodore Roosevelt: “No ordinary work done by a man is either as hard or as responsible as the work of a woman who is bringing up a family of small children; for upon her time and strength demands are made not only every hour of the day but often every hour of the night.”

Wednesday 1 August 2012

Love Takes Work.............

In case some of you haven’t realised I have a Wordpress blog now it can be found over here: it is similar to this blog but different at the same time well it will be as time goes on so if anyone wants to go and check it out feel free to do so…………….

Now today I want to talk about love and yes I know I have talked about love in the past but sometimes I think people give up on love to easy, I saw this quote somewhere and liked it

     “Falling in love is not a choice.  To stay in love is”

I know that it takes work to stay in a relationship, and that work is something many people find too hard to do. Giving up is easier than trying to work things out, now don’t get me wrong I know some relationships cannot be saved and it is better to walk away and not look back.

If a person wants to be a part of your life, they will make an obvious effort to do so. If they are not connecting with you and thinking more about themselves than they are of you then maybe you need to think twice before staying in that relationship.

However, if the person is trying and wants to be part of your life and you can say you are still in love with them then maybe you should try to work out any problems you have. I am not expert but I am married to a wonderful man who I am still in love with after 29yrs together but have we had our problems………….yes we have………………..but he still loves me and I still love him and there are more good times then bad times and that is important. We have talked and worked on things and things are getting better so we choose to stay together and keep working on things and things will continue to get better.

I think it’s better to be alone than to be with someone who really doesn’t want to be with you.

BPD & Physical Symptoms

  This week I am wrapping up at least for now my posts on borderline personality disorder or BPD, I will end this by sharing a few other phy...