Thursday, 17 September 2009

Just an update

Here I go again I have not been able to post here the last few times I have tried so I will try again. Now how have I been lately well so so except for yesterday when I spent the whole day in bed sick as............................

Other news......... my dad is doing ok he had Chemo again on Monday I think this may have been his last lot of Chemo, he still has to have radio therapy I am hoping at some point he will start to look better as lately when I see him I feel like crying. I don't like seeing my daddy looking so frail.

Tim is still trying to reduce the amount he is drinking although he is still most nights drinking far to much at least a litre of wine a night which is down from the 1.5 to 2 litre he was drinking each night but still a ways to go. He told me he wants to stop drinking by Christmas.

I have had my medication for depression increased again as when I saw the doctor on Tuesday I started crying when talking about my dad, and my girls and how I can't get just one day a week to myself without someone ringing me (usually everyone rings me) or calling in. Like on Tuesday I sent Natasha a text telling her I had a Dr app and could she take me it was in the afternoon but she turned up at 11.30am and got upset with me when I asked you she was here so early and acted like I was the one who was in the wrong because I didn't want her here.

Life feels so hard lately and I often wonder what is the point of anything and I am getting terrible tension headaches again I haven't had tension headaches in years and now I am getting them daily again, I often find myself just sitting with the feeling that everything is just to hard and what is the point of trying anymore. I often feel like I just want to go to sleep for a long time and when I wake up everything will seem easier and better but it's not going to happen.

I hate the way I look I have become so fat and unfit I can't walk very far anymore and that depresses me my clothes don't fit and I want to change things but can't seem to make it happen nothing I do works and yes I do have times when I wonder why I bother but I am still trying. Things have to improve at some point I just don't know when.........................................

Just some facts

  Good morning world, or good evening or maybe good night is in order, whichever it is also Monday meaning it is also fact ...