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Hi, everyone, I guess you would have noticed that during the last few weeks my posting hasn’t been up to scratch but that should be changing as I am going to start setting apart one day a week to write up posts which is what I have done for years but recently I stopped doing that and was writing the post the day I was posting it.
Now for a bit of honesty as I am sure most are aware I have Parkinson’s
Disease well the last couple of weeks I have felt overwhelmed and in so much
pain day after day, in the evenings I often feel so tired it is an effort to focus
and stay awake but when I say I am going to bed early Tim will say something
that makes me feel that I shouldn’t be and I know he doesn’t mean to make me
feel bad in any way but I do.
My day starts at 5am and yeah, I know some would say why get up
so early, but I like the quiet of the morning and I am most productive first
thing by 10am I am starting to feel worn out and need to put my feet up and
rest for a while. I am thankfully able to do most of the housework there was a
while there before I was medicated that I could do bugga all.
During these really cold days I have been getting a lot of
headaches and body aches and having moments when everything seems too much to
deal with.
I have daily pain and stiffness, at times I have insomnia (but
thankfully I am sleeping well at the moment), weakness, and stiffness when
standing and walking for a bit till my legs come good. I have to stand and get my balance, and the
first few steps can look odd but once things start to work, I am ok. I have had
times when sitting is uncomfortable due to my body aching or me starting to
feel stiff all over.
I often struggle to get words out the path between my brain and
mouth is often blocked and can make things difficult. I will often jumble up
what I am trying to say, and it is frustrating to me. Tim often comments that I take too long to
answer him but I’m doing the best I can.
Swallowing can be an issue at times and yeah, I know I should
take smaller bites, and I do try to do so but there are times I don’t remember
to do so, there have been many times when food gets stuck, and I am chocking
and coughing trying to dislodge it.
I have gained weight again and this is very depressing for me,
telling me to eat less doesn’t help reminding me how much weight others in the
family have lost doesn’t help, it just depresses me more.
My body can get very cold during winter and very hot during
summer and having someone comment oh you’re cold or oh you’re hot with that
shocked tone is also depressing for me. I can’t change how I am all I can do is
try and cope the best I can.
Life at the moment is a roller coaster that is moving slow, my
emotions are all over the place some days and I feel that the cold wet days are
affecting my moods, making it more difficult to deal with the depression.
I cannot thank my sister Sue enough for giving me back a sense
of a normal life, I get to go shopping regularly, I have someone to take me to
appointments and someone who I can laugh with, and we do laugh a lot when
together.
I am blessed with a loving and supportive family and none of
them say or do anything to intentionally upset me but there are times when I
feel some do not want to take the time to read and understand how Parkinson’s
having is affecting me.
Some may think I should take a break from blogging, but it is a
big part of what keeps me going day after day, like having to ring Sam 4 or 5
times in the morning to make sure she is up and getting ready for school.
There are days when everything feels like such a struggle and
way too much effort is needed to do anything and everything.
Anyway I am hoping that I will continue to improve and I will
make sure each Sunday I will take the time to write up posts for the following week.
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