Hubby is working away this week since he is doing a 6am to 8pm shift he has decided to spend the week in his van to save petrol, it's a good thing he hadn't sold it yet. We have been talking about getting rid of the van for a few months now but as yet we have done nothing about it. He hasn't found another job yet he is just driving buses doing whats called "rail" work while there is track work being done.
Kathy told me that she will be doing an extra day at the servo from next month but at the moment she has no idea when she will go back to woollies, I have told her to take it one day at a time. She is still looking for a place of her own but is in no hurry to move as she likes having a dishwasher and Foxtel and me to let her have a nap or sleep in when needed.
My precious number one daughter said last night she thinks she will put off moving out of home till after Tim and I come back from our cruise in October which is fine with me, as I am in 2 minds over her moving out.
I do like having her here most of the time and not only because she is the one who does most of the housework. I genuinely like having her here most of the time, there are times when she gets drives me crazy but most of the time things are fine.
I love having Sydney-May here watching her grow and will miss her when they do move out.
Both Tim and I always say this is their home and they can come and stay whenever they like..........
Oddly enough when I first married Tim he didn't understand that I said my parents home is my home but now that his daughters are grown he does as he always says this is their home no matter how old the get.
A week ago Tim had a accident at work in the truck he was following his GPS and it sent him the wrong way as soon as he started to make the turn he realised that he couldn't go done the street at it was a small weight restricted road and when he tried to back out he got stuck all in all it was a nice mess and to make matters worse he did some damage to the truck. The following day he had to go in and do a report about the accident and the next day he was called into work and told he had lost his job.
So now he is unemployed and as like the last time he lost his job he is working all weekend driving buses which is good, he has already started looking for another job. I don't think he will be out of work long.
Boy have we had some wet weather it has stopped today so hopefully the yard will dry out some, Kathy parks on the front lawn and so does Jes when she comes to visit as we don't have enough parking spaces so we don't like it when it rains so much turning the lawn into slosh.
Sydney is sick and I'm not much better yesterday Sydney slept all morning until her mum got home from work and then she was more awake then asleep till 11pm, think part of the problem was that Kathy would pick her up when she would start to whinge where as I would have waited until she started crying. I offered to help her last night but she snapped at me and told me to go to bed which I did.
So this morning I let her sleep while I got up with Sydney, I do try to help as much as I can but it isn't always as Kathy can get short tempered at times but I have not been getting upset by her behavior like I use to.
She is still living at home with me and Tim and isn't sure she when she wants to move although when she is in a mood she wants to move but when things are going good she isn't in a hurry.
My grandson Blain had an accident on Wednesday the 14th while at day care, I had dropped off his cousin Leo but forgot his pillow so came home picked it up and went back and as I arrived back I heard someone say “she is here now”. I then went and spoke to one of the women who works their and she told me that my other grandson Blain had fallen and hurt his arm.
I went to see Blain who was sitting on a chair in the play area with his arm in a sling with an ice pack, I was told that he had jumped off some of the play equipment and hurt his arm. I was also told that they had rang his mother(Natasha) who told them that he had hurt the same arm when he fell down the stairs at his mothers the day before, so they thought I should take him to see a doctor.
I used their phone and rang my oldest daughter (Kathy) and told her to ring our doctors and tell them I was taking Blain straight up which I did he was seen by Dr Keyworth who said he thought it was broken and to take him straight over to the John Hunter Hospital which I did. He was operated on the following morning and had a wire and pins inserted in his arm.
Now is only that was the worst of it but no not the case on Friday 23rd Natasha took Blain back to the John Hunter Hospital so they could check his arm and what is discovered, his arm is badly infected and he was rushed back into surgery where they removed a shit load of infection. He has been operated on again today to remove even more infection and so far everything looks good he will be now be in hospital for another week.
As you can imagine I have been very worried about him and have shed some tears over him. Although when I told Tim that he had to have a second opp he didn't seem to care just saying well there is nothing we can do about it.
I did go and see him yesterday afternoon but since Kathy drove us over we couldn’t stay very long as she didn’t want to stay saying that Sydney was getting hungry and tired and she wanted to get her home before she got to upset.
I need help, how do I get out of thinking of myself as a victim? I am always putting myself down and I don’t know why I do it. I never seem to think I am good enough and I worry a lot about letting people down.
Is it because I am often in the line of fire when my girls lash out? Or maybe it has something to do with the fact that my husband rarely listens to me and has a habit of walking away while I am talking to him, although he does it to other people as well. I think also the fact that Tim keeps putting off getting a car that I can drive doesn’t help and yes I know that I tell him it is ok but I don’t deep inside it isn’t but I never seem to be able to tell him that. I think the fact that when we discus it he will go one about how little money he has and how he wants to save for this or that and I agree with him but somewhere inside me I think what about me.
I don’t like what I see when I look in the mirror as I am overweight and most of my clothes don’t look good on me, well that’s how I feel and honestly I have no idea whether that is true or not. As lately I have a habit of doubting myself.
I never use to be like this and I don’t like this person I want to be the old happy Jo-Anne who liked herself.
Kathy just said to me what do I like about myself but I have no idea what I like about myself anymore.
I would love to know what others think is my best feature.
What I do know is that my girls will most likely not read this as they are not interested in reading my blogs, they really are not interested in a lot of the thinks that interest me. Even when we go shopping I often get the feeling that they once we do what they want they are ready to go home and again I say nothing.
A couple of weeks ago at Sunday lunch I brought up the subject of step parents as I have a problem at times with how Lucas talks to Blain and I wanted feedback from others to get a picture if I was wrong or being to sensitive about the hole thing. I did feel like I was being attacked and that I was in the wrong for feeling the way I did.
I know that step parents usually have good intentions meaning their hearts are in the right place but I have watched Dr Phil a lot and he always says that step parents shouldn't discipline their step children so I guess that is one reason why I have had a problem with Lucas. Sandra and Dave made a point of letting me know that they thought I was wrong well that is the impression I got.
I would have liked mum to tell me her thoughts on the subject as she was a step child and she may see things differently. However she didn’t get a chance as everyone else seem to cut her off. I was going to ask mum about it later but never got a chance, maybe I will remember to do so at some point but I have a terrible memory lately.
So I will have to learn to deal with my thoughts about step parents and discipline as I said if they love the child they are doing what they think is right and if the natural parent is ok with the step parent disciplining their child then that is what matters not what the grandparent things or feels.
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