Merry Christmas

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE

Well I had a great day hope everyone else did as well, I did have a few drinks but I didn't get drunk well I don't think I did................lol

Tim is off work for a couple of weeks now hope he doesn't drive me crazy, he is going to Sydney tomorrow to see his mother as he is planning to ride his bike I will not be going with him.

Every year Tim has a habit of complain that he didn't get presents as good as my dad although he forgets that dad just lets mum and go and get him what ever she wants and she doesn't have to explain to him what she spent the money on,unlike me with Tim. This year he didn't but when he spoke about what I got him he seemed to talk more about what didn't come with the camera instead of the positive things about it. I gave him a digital video camera.

Although he had to complain that I bought a lot of grog and he didn't get any of it but I had told him a number of times that now that I have given out what I wanted to as Christmas presents he can have what he wants as what is left over is ours.

My girls seemed to be happy with their gifts which made me happy.

Tattoo

Man has it been hot here the last couple of days which wouldn't be to bad if my darling daughter Natasha would leave the air con on but she is a strange one says she is cold and will walk around with a jacket on in 30 degree heat.

Yesterday my niece Kelli who is 14 went and got a tattoo on her shoulder it is of a skull with a knife through it and blood drops, it looks cool. Her father went with her to get it done so she did have his permission, however, her mother is not happy about it.

I think my sister is annoyed with me as I said it looked cool and she thinks I am encouraging her but I am really just supporting her. Kelli is a strong willed girl who will not be told what to do or how to act so I like to support and let her know that I am here for her and that I love her just the way she is.

I understand Sue is worried that she will regret getting it done but Kelli has to make her own mistakes in life, if she regrets it then she will just have to always where something that covers it. Yes it is a large tattoo but it is what Kelli wanted, Kelli also has a number of piecings 10 in fact and that is just the type of girl she is. I don't know if you can understand that I don't see the piecings when I look at her I just see her and I think she is a strong beautiful girl. I think of her like a fourth daughter.

Cleanning Stuff

Natasha just finish cleanning the laundry floor as there was kitty litter all over the place and she was pissed off about it as Kathy hates cleanning it out and when she does she doesn't bother to do on the floor around the tray. In fact it is me more then her that cleans it out and at least I always clean around the tray as well as sweep out the laundry.

This afternoon I asked Kathy to unpack the dishwasher before she went to work what did she say I did it yesterday but I was having none of that I told I pack it every day and she still had to do it, she did and then she tried to tell me she was only joking but I know Kathy and can tell when she is joking and she wasn't.

Tomorrow Jessica wants me to go shopping with her and I said thats ok but I also promised Natasha I would watch Blain while she went out with her cousin who is getting a tattoo tomorrow. Well now Jes is annoyed with me as she doesn't want to take Blain shopping with us I don't care what we do and told her so, also saying you decided and let me know what we are doing.

Jessica has had a couple of good nights looking after Leo I haven't heard her complaining although she did get me up last night at 4.15 as she couldn't get him to go back to sleep so I said I would do it......I was back in bed at 4.30am.

Money Issues

I have one very selfish daughter on Friday while at breakfast I asked her if she would give me $10 a week just for me and before I could say any more she started.

She works 2 jobs and I have none and she works hard for her money and why should she give it to me it's not her fault I do nothing.....Well my sisters Jeannie and Sandra where there and both of them had something to say about it, which of cause she didn't like and she ended up walking away and not talking to me for a while.

I had planned to tell her that even though she gives me $50 a week for food she reckons she never eats any of the food so not to bother doing that any more and just give me the $10 for me. Well when I did eventually tell her that she said fine but I'm not giving you the $10 I don't see why I should, however if you need something just ask and I will get it for you.......Like I want to do that ask my daughter to buy stuff for me.

Sandra told mum and mum rang here and talked to Tasha about me wanting $10 for myself and about how Kathy reacted,well Lucas lost it with Kathy and went off his head about her being selfish.I was expecting to have Tasha complain she can't afford to give me money also which is why my mum said something to her and I think the only reason she hasn't complain is Lucas.

So now Tasha said she will give me $10 one week and Lucas will give me $10 the next week and Jessica said she will set up an automatic transfer from her account for me. Jessica was the only one I knew I wouldn't have a problem with.

Tim sided with Kathy saying he didn't understand why I need to have money and told me if I want money all I have to do is ask like I want to do that but I am going to do it as I know it will drive him mad and piss him off me asking for money all the time.

My Life

Lately everything seems to causing me stress I am so tense all the time, I am worried about Kelli as she has been sick lately and in a lot of pain and the Dr doesn't know why,bloody doctors. She tells me not to worry but that is easier said then done.

I am tired of hearing my girls complain about stuff sometimes I think they just like to complain. I can't fix everything but they act like they want me to and it is annoying as they are all grown women now. Two of them are mothers themselves but still they want me to do a bloody lot for them. One of them will complain about stuff she could do herself but chooses not to.

They all complain about having no money well guess what I also have no money and if anyone tells me to get a job I will scream as I am married to a man who has a good job and can afford to support me, also with the way the country is now I don't think people who don't need to work should as there is not enough jobs to go around.

I am sick to death feeling like a fat cow and I know I am not that fat but it still doesn't change the way I feel it really sucks. I do walk and I do not eat a lot of junk food but still I can't lose weight or slim down a bit.

Jessica is always complain she can't cope with Leo but gets pissed off with me when I try to offer advice about how to cope with Leo. She likes to say that she can't learn and doesn't know how to learn and I just want to scream.

Tim is still drinking but seems ok but he is still annoying when he is drunk like all drunks of course. I love him but it is still frustrating.

How am I suppose to cope with all this stress everyone wanting me and not feeling like I am not doing enough for them. I try and try but still I feel like a failure at times.

I know it is normal for people to take their anger out on whoever is around but why does it often feel like that person is me.

I wish at times I could just stop eating and do nothing but walk and walk and walk to be fit healthy and slim.

I hate feeling tired all the bloody time and listening to my girls and husband say things like you are always sleeping in that voice that really upsets me like it is something I like doing just for the fun of it.

I know life is not meant to be easy but does it have to be this bloody hard.

My Loving Husband

As most of you will know I have been married to Tim for 24 years and he is a good man, a hard working man who loves his family and tries his best to protect them.

Yes I have in the past said things about his behaviour but as his wife I am allowed to do that. He is the love of my life the man I wish to grow old with got it.

NO ONE ELSE IS ALLOWED TO.....................

Some people seem to think they know what type of man he is but they really have no idea only those of us who are closest to him know what he is really like. Maybe some of you may not have had a good man in your life and are jealous I don't know.

Maybe some of you think I should leave him because he has dome problems at the moment but I will not throw away 24 years without a fight.

I will state here and now that Tim would never intentionally harm any of his children or grandchildren and if one of them was accidentally hurt by something he has either said or done the guilt would pretty much kill him.

Now Jeanna for what set Tim off last time it was the fact that he found out that Jessica is paying most of the rent and it makes him feel like she is being taken advantage of. This made him feel like he had to protect her if you felt like one of your children where being taken advantage of you would something to say and we both no you wouldn't be nice about it.

One more thing your son has told me to call him Jono and until he tells me differently I will continue to do so.

Jeanna's comment about Tim

This a comment posted on Blain's fathers blog about my husband read and let me know what you think.

Hey there son...I know there is no need for me to say this, but you know you did the right things for the right reasons. Obviously one of you has to be the mature one...and we both know that that will never be him. Now....what we seem to have is a very SMALL man with an even smaller mind...if at all possible. You have said that he is an influence in Blain's life...an unfortunate truth...but know the question yells to be asked...what sort of influence is he? What sort of things will Blain learn from such a person? Face to face threats...your son in the area...text messages...more threats...more phone calls...OMG this just continues!

What is he off his meds again? Drinking heavily...AGAIN?!!! When is this person ever going to GROW UP, though I don't know what I expected he did turn up at the hospital to see his grandson for the first time quite plastered...so the continuation of such behaviour should be of no surprise.

This is not the sort of environment that I personally wanted my grandson to be in and this is why I moved you and Tash out in the first place! Unfortunately I know the FULL extent of the threats...and to all the people involved and how it all started. NOT impressed!! If I want to help my son out that is none of your husbands business and quite frankly he has no right to comment. He was drinking and wanted to pick a fight with Jonathon and any excuse would do. And If there really is need for all that was said to come about....I'll be waiting, I wont be hard to miss, I'll be the one standing in front of my son, not because he needs my protection, but more for personal reasons.

OK...Joanne - as for any conversation between JONATHON (NOT Jono, please take note of that) and the police - under the circumstances you should not be privy to them - now for the dummies - NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. It is privileged information. As for your husband never hurting Blain...I would like a written guarantee... IN WRITING something that I know you cannot give.

If he is drinking and carrying on in front of him what makes you think that Blain will not get caught in the middle of his stupidity? And as for him being in Blain's life forever...if he continues down this path of bad mouthing and threatening his father...at what age exactly do you think that Blain will tell him frankly where to put it and wipe him? Also I think under the circumstances of the company he keeps at your place (referring to one person in particular) who the hell are you to make any comment on who Jonathon has at his house when Blain is there?

And for the record both Jonathon and Blain usually spend half the weekend at my place...so please don't tell me you think that I am a danger to my grandson! I'm not on medication that I refuse to take OR take while I get rotten in front of him. So am I included in "everyone he is around when he is with you"?

Be very careful here, ambiguous (look it up) 'statements', shall we say, from one grandparent in that house is enough to get me fired up...I think you had best make yours clear. We all know that I think that Jonathon and Jessica could keep their house a little more proudly, but if my information is correct Tash does your house, not you, and before Tash was pregnant with Blain Jonathon would complain about all the cockroaches crawling over him as he slept...was it at home..no he was living with you! Don't throw stones. (think about it) Well son I think I've said more than I should once again, but it could've been worse...Up to you whether you post this or not, but at least you know how I feel.

Stay strong and stick with the right path for you and Blain; follow my advice but don't get hurt...I don't need a holiday for that long or that badly..LOL. Love you mum xxx