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Ok this morning my daughter rang me and
told me that she no longer needs me, no I am not talking about
needing me for something in particular but she doesn't need me in
general. Yes this was hurtful and upsetting but I tried to hid that I
was upset, instead I said it was kind of a good thing because she is
becoming more self sufficient.
In truth she has rarely needed me and
this isn't the first time she has said something that has been
hurtful to me, it is something I have come to expect. As most of the
time I feel like nothing I do is good enough.
In fact now days I am only really close
to one of my daughters the other two don't seem to need me, one would
ring me a lot but she says she doesn't like it when I am on the
computer while talking to her, or cooking or in fact doing anything
else except talking to her.
I am a multitasker I can do a lot of
different things while I am on the phone, but my daughter thinks I am
distracted and not listening to her, the truth is that I don't wear
my hearing aids during the day unless I am watching telly and this is
the reason when I am on the phone I can't always hear what is being
said and have to try and guess what was said over asking her to
repeat what was said. If I did ask her to repeat herself that would
piss her off as well, so I am damned if I do and damned if I don't.
She finds it hard to believe that I
like talking to her and enjoy her phone calls most of the time, yes
there are times when I am busy and really don't have the time to talk
but this isn't all the time most of the time I like talking to her
and hearing what my grandchildren are doing.
I love all my girls equally, I have a
different relationship with each one of them, just because the
relationship I have with one daughter is different from the
relationship I have with another daughter doesn't mean I love any one
more. I love all of them equally and differently.
I simply cant believe how disrespectful your kids can be at times. she needs a good smack on the arse but since she's a little old for that simply remember that she doesn't need you and when she asks you to do something remind her of that and do NOT do it (even though you'll want to) you're ALWAYS doing something to help others and being rude is simply unacceptable. do the "kids" treat everyone with that contempt because if they do it's doubtful they have good relationships with others. you just take care of you and try to keep the hurt in perspective.
ReplyDeleteNo they don't treat others the way they treat me,I watched her girls yesterday afternoon, so the not needing me didn't last to long.........
DeleteOh, I'm so sorry you have to hear those things. Sometimes what they say and what's actually in their hearts are two different things. You're a terrific mum and nana~
ReplyDeleteShe is the type of girl who doesn't hold back just because it might hurt someone's feelings, I have tried to teach her about tact but often she doesn't get it
DeleteIt's hard sometimes for kids to appreciate they're all loved the same but differently. I wonder, what is your daughter's "Love language"? I know sometimes the way I show love to some people doesn't feel loving to them. I feel loved when people help me, but my husband feels loved when people spend time with him. My middle kid feels loved when he gets a gift. Possibly she just isn't speaking the same language that you do and can't articulate it?
ReplyDeleteShe has always been a very straightforward person, this I know and I have no doubt that she loves me, sometimes she just says and does things that are hurtful, she doesn't plan to hurt me but still it does.
DeleteThat really is quite hurtful. What would prompt her to just come out and say that? Yeesh, I know the purpose of parenthood is to raise kids so that they DON'T need you, but I don't want to be told I'm not needed. Especially when I [you] am.
ReplyDeleteI have been very busy the last few weeks driving Leo to and from school and this takes away the amount of time I can spend running around after others first thing of a morning and later in the afternoon. This is what I think has prompted this comment from her.
DeleteThat hurts, but I'm glad my kids don't need me very often. It shows they are independent, and I raised them to be independent.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
Yes I am also glad that I have independent daughters but it also hurt the way she said it
DeleteIsn't that the truth...that we love all of our kids but differently. I hope your daughter reconsiders how she said that and realizes that she was hurtful. She may not need you as much but every one needs their mother. If for no other reason than supportive love.
ReplyDeleteYes I still need my mother and I am 51.........lol
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ReplyDelete