Wednesday, 6 April 2016

Respect


Hello Wednesday since yesterday all I posted was a picture of something the post I wanted to write yesterday but couldn't find the energy to do I will write and post today how does that sound?

I want to write about respect all of us have heard the word, we all should know what it means for those who are unsure of it's meaning according to my dictionary it means “to feel or show esteem or regard to; to treat considerately” ok we all know it means more then just that so don't go on about all the other meanings of it for my post that definition is enough.

We have had a problem with the boys Blain & Leo and showing no respect towards me and their mothers, I have had it, I am so over all this disrespect I am getting from both the boys, Blain is the worse offender. He has to argue the point with me over everything and has a habit of rolling his eyes which makes me want to slap him of course I have not slapped him I don't do that but it doesn't change the fact that I want to.

Leo can be just as bad although he doesn't generally roll his eyes he just gets this look on his face that makes me say “don't look at me like that” it is a look of disrespect, both the boys try our patience a lot lately. I said to Natasha I thought my days of dealing with disrespect from children on a daily basis.

I try to speak to the boys in a clam respectful manner, Leo will say he treats people how they treat him and I have said well if that is the case why are you being so disrespectful of me as I rarely speak to you in a disrespectful manner. He has told me he is sorry for his attitude at times and when he says sorry it comes across as heartfelt, when Blain says sorry it is because he has been told to do so and it is anything but heartfelt.

I generally like to ask the boys or anyone in fact to do things for me, over telling them, first I ask then I tell, then I demand this I got off my mum that is how she treated her children thus how I have treated mine and now my grandchildren.

I also have and still do say sorry when I speak to any of my girls or grandchildren in a disrespectful manner, usually this happens because I am angry and speak in anger and when that happens I am not sounding very respectful so when I have calmed down I go and say sorry. What I am apologizing for is my tone not necessarily what I said, there is a difference.

So have you had a problem with children being disrespectful of you and towards you, how do you deal with it when it happens.

I calmly tell the boys that I think they are being disrespectful and I do not like their tone, I also will say in a firm tone that I will not tolerate that tone or eye rolling or look and they can go to the bedroom till they are ready to speak to me how I should be spoken to. I am the adult I will not be told by a child what they are doing such as Blain will come home and say I am going to my friends, I say no you ask if you can go to your friends place do not tell me you are going, granted when asked I say yes more or less all the time but I like to be asked. I have said to the boys at school you do not say to the teach “ I am going to the toilet” you asked if you can go to the toilet because it is polite to ask.



22 comments:

  1. Eh... boys are tough. When I first started seeing the signs of disrespect I nipped it quick, but they were little. Now they are 14 and 15, and while I still get a bit of it, it's usually rooted in them being frustrated over something else, not me or what I'm asking. More often than not they level out on their own and do what I ask.

    I suspect it's much harder to do if I was their grandparent. It's a bit easier when it's all me, all the time setting the expectation. Good luck!

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    1. Yes being the nanna makes things a bit different, I have a problem with Blain not accepting that when his mum is at work I am in charge and what I say goes

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  2. My boys went through a time when they were very disrespectful, one went through it for a much longer time than the other. I think all teenagers go through it, it's a way (not a good one, but a way) of taking some independence and placing some distance between themselves and their parents.
    When they finally get through that stage, though, it really is quite a relief to get back to civility.

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    1. Yeah teenagers and disrespect and attitude go hand in hand Natasha was the one who gave me the most trouble as a teenager

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  3. I don't have a point of reference. Disrespect when I was a young would have been costly. Every grownup in our community had permission to wear me out with a switch if I behaved badly.

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    1. I wouldn't have got away with it as a child, but then when I was a child I would never have tried to talk back or argue with my parents and if I did I would had ended up with a sore bum

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  4. Jo-Anne
    I think as all have mentioned - you have to get all of your family members to a parental guidance person and PRONTO, before it is TOO late.
    Colin
    A problem is staring you squarely in the face.

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  5. Yes my grand children are sometimes disrespectful to their parents but not with me, but I haven't been with them that much. It is always special when I visit. CALM is GOOD. Consistency is important too. Keep onto them about don't ever ignore it. All members of the family need to be on the same page.

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    1. Yeah I am good at clam now, wasn't so much when my girls where little, I am the one taking care of Blain most afternoons/nights so I am the one who says what goes the problem is he will at times ring his mum and she says something different I have asked her not to do that as I am being undermined

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  6. Always polite to ask.
    I have found that my grandchildren (so far) respect their parents and both sets of grandparents. Having said that, the are young the eldest will soon be 10, the youngest 16 months.
    I do notice some children being disrespectful to their elders though. A lot of it has to do with our system and lack of parent teaching enough respect.

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    1. Yes I think far too many parents let children get away with far too much, as I said Blain his worse then Leo but then Blain is older then Leo so who knows what may happen in a year or so with Leo

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  7. Oh....the rolling of the eyes. I'm with you on that!

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    1. Yeah that is something I really don't like

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  8. Being a grandparent is different than being a parent for sure. I agree with diane b's comment. Our grandson's might upon occasion be disrespectful to their parents (but their parents would reprimand them) but they never would disrespect me. Because I live near them and they have a bedroom at my home, I make the rules when they are here. I do think it is a group effort. What do your daughters think needs to happen? Are they supporting you and being firm with the boys how they need to behave? My grandsons are 5 and 8 and we haven't had an eye roll yet...but if I do get one, there will be consequences. (we also don't use anything physical but things like privileges lost or time out)

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    1. The girls are getting better at backing me up, I have talked to Natasha about how Blain would ring her and she would say something different to me if I have said no she should tell him what I say goes as I am the one here. I hope things improve all I can do is take it one day at a time

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  9. I can only say that during my time there is no excuse for being disrespectful to our elders.

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  10. I rarely had anything from my kids that crossed MY version of disrespect. The one time was one of the first times we were all with Laurie and KC was going out of his way to dis me. I pinned him on the floor, face first, and when he continued, I promptly introduced his forehead to the linoleum. Just a smidge above gently. Perfectly successful.

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    1. Yeah Blain's dad gave Blain a sore bum for being disrespectful, since then Blain has been better and all I can do is take it one day at a time

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  11. I had a tough line with all three of my sons. I was respectful and fair and I expected respect n return. When they got to adolescence and occasionally sassed me..instant punishment by what I said in return. They didn't like the tables turned. I will not tolerate it from adults out in the world either.

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    1. Yes I believe we need to stop this disrespect now as when they get older it will get worse if we are not careful or lucky or a bit of both

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