WEEK 12 OF 2022

 

Sunday and fend for myself day so I got up at 5am washed, dressed and got my own breaky. This I manage painfully and slowly. It is another fine but cool day.

Managed to finish pasting information into grandmother memory book. Still want to add some photos. I also want to add some information about Tim to it.

Kelli came over to put me to bed which was a surprise no one told me she was coming. I was expecting Jess.

20-3-22

HEATHER'S BIRTHDAY (NIECE)

Slept in till 5.55am up washed and dressed before ringing Tasha who didn't answer. I ended up ringing her four times before she rang back, she was in the shower.

Kelli told me yesterday that Kirsty (her sister, my niece) has Covid and had to be taken to hospital with severe chest pains. She is home again but still quite ill.

Went to lay down at 2pm to listen to my book only to find myself an hour later downloading a new book as the other one had finished.

21-3-22

What a night last night was, I fell out of bed when I attempted to roll over to turn the book off. Thankfully Leo was in the house and came to my aid. I then had a full on panic attack, Leo helped calm me down.

Having a restless day with zero motivation to do anything.

Leo showed me a photo of his girlfriend Emma she is a pretty girl. They speak for hours on the phone, like the teenagers they are.

22-3-22

Had another restless night I was fine for a couple of hours but then started to feel nauseous which was worse when I laid down. I was up and down for a while I ended up sitting in my arm chair but I woke up in bed I vaguely remember Leo taking me back to bed. I then slept ok for the rest of the night, waking at 4.30am and getting up for the day.

The day has been so so but going downhill since midday

23-3-22

Had a shocking night sleeping for only 1-2hrs at a time, waking to a body shaking head to foot rapidly and uncontrollably. Then the restlessness and panic mood starts. Is it any wonder I have moments when I feel like I can't do this any more. At 4am I woke again and gave up on sleep and got up.

Both Tasha & Jess are out this morning and Tim is at work so I have to find a way to cope.

This afternoon I needed help getting out of my chair due to spasms in my back, so I sent Tash a sms and when I received no response I rang her. What a mistake, I coped a shit load of abuse. I of course started to cry as she went on and on about having to repeat herself and how no one does shit. Also about needing time to herself.

After a bit I told her that I am often scared to call her and how I try not to ask for help. A lot more was said by both of us and after a while we parted on good terms both of us had shed tears.

I know that I am often just in the line of fire and cope it when she explodes.

A better nights sleep till 3.40am when I got a bad cramp in my calf and tried to get out of bed, this resulted in me falling ending up on the floor calling for help. Tim got up helped me off the floor and go to the toilet but when I attempted to go back to bed I couldn't settle. This means I have been up since 3.40am.

I have been tired and restless all day, unable to concentrate on anything.

No Saturday entry cyberspace ate it.