Thursday, 9 January 2014

Now a bit about bad mothers


The other day I spoke about what makes a bad father it is has been brought to my attention that I there are bad mothers out there, and yes I had already planned to write about bad mothers but had no idea when I would do so, however, I am doing so today.

When it comes to bad mothers we often will think worse about them, this is because we think a mother should be loving, caring & nurturing and for the most part mothers are. There are, however, mothers who are not those things and when we hear of a bad mother in the news we are disgusted with how they treat their child. Yes we are also disgusted when we hear about bad fathers but a bad mother often upsets us more.

I think that is because a mother is suppose to be all loving and nurturing, they are suppose to have a maternal instinct that over rules everything else and need to care for their child. However some women do not have the strong maternal instinct it just isn't there.

When we think of bad fathers we think of a man who is physically abusive, women are often not only physically abusive but also emotionally abusive which is just as bad if not worse. A mother will often yell and scream and rant and rave more than a man and having a mother like that is not nice.

Women will also often neglect their child in favour of going out and having a good time, their child gets in the way of their social life because they will only think of themselves they will leave the child home alone while they go out and have fun. This isn't just being a bad mother it is being a selfish mother, our children should come first.

I feel there are some parents that do not know how to be a parent and no I do not think it comes naturally although I am sure that some people do think it does. I feel that we learn how to parent from our own parents, if we are lucky to have great parents we will often like to be like them and when we have terrible parents we swear we will not be like them and do things differently. However, sometimes as much as we try we will still end up doing the same bad things our parents did, I don't know why that is but I know that it is like that.

We will usually think of a mother as someone who will protect their child no matter what, but there are mothers out there that do not think of protecting their child they think on of how their child is sucking the life out of them, and how they want to have a life that doesn't revolve around a child. I wonder why these women have children at all, maybe they think a baby is just so cute and do not think about how much work that baby will take and how they will have to care for the baby for many years.



So does the thought of a bad mother upset you more then the thought of a bad father or do both cause you the same amount of upset.

21 comments:

  1. Here's the thing. They both upset me EQUALLY. We have a boy that went missing in the news here (he's 5, it was only discovered because his SEVEN year old sister said something to a teacher) He's been missing for months, and obviously the mother and new boyfriend are awaiting trial. But here's the thing... his father had no idea he was missing and now is looking for sympathy. Seriously? No involvement for months and now you want the attention??? That makes me furious, just as furious as when a mother just up and decides to leave her kids and husband behind.

    But then there are mothers, like the one we saw in Best Buy the other day, who was joking and laughing with her teenage girls while trying to get a cel phone. She made inappropriate comments, hit on the 16 year old cashier, and called her daughter a slut, jokingly of course, but completely inappropriate. Does that make her a bad mother? Maybe. Or maybe it just makes her a different mother than me.

    Tony jokes and has a sarcastic tone with both the boys. To some I could see that that could make him a bad step father, but for us it works. His joking is how he shows he loves them. If he didn't do it, it means that he can't be bothered, which would make him a HORRIBLE parent.

    I guess it's what works and what doesn't. Lord knows there's been plenty of "good" parents that have produced children that make horrific choices... and vice versa.

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    1. Yeah I know there are good parents of terrible children, as you know this post was generalising and not about anyone in particular.

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    2. Oh, I know. I guess I figure it's BOTH parents job equally, so it bothers me no matter who is neglectful. But I am also careful about casting stones, because some parents that appear to be lax, really have their kids figured out as far as the best way to parent them.

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  2. In the 29 years I taught, I saw too many of both. However, there's just something that really gets me about a bad/ abusive/ neglectful mom. I don't know what it is, but it does really bother me more.

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    1. Yes that is my point bad mothers bother us more then bad fathers

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  3. The mother bothers me more than the father. I think for all the reasons you list and also because women are the primary caregivers and comforters of their children. Children look to their mothers to protect them, and when they don't, it's just worse. In my opinion.

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  4. bad mothers make my blood boil and I know it's because I had the best mama ever who would do anything for me (she almost drowned and was TERRIFIED of water but forced herself to learn to swim because I loved it, now that's a mama's love!) and was killed when I was only 8. so they're wasting their opportunity and that pisses me off. something I heard Julie newmar (yes catwoman) sy on a talk show has always stuck with me about moms. Roxanne Pulitzer was blathering on about having to abandon her children because you have to be true to yourself and Julie went down her throat sideways (Julie has a special needs child and virtually gave up her career to care for him ) and said "if you're not willing to give up your life for your child you don't deserve him" and that's the truth. I KNOW I was my mama's world and that knowledge has sustained me through some very rough times. my dad simply didn't have the tools to be a hands on loving father as her was raised in a loveless barren home bordering on abusive. but he was the ":good provider" that made sure I had everything material I needed, he simply didn't know how to show me emotionally he cared, but as an adult I have came to understand that and let go of all my angst about it. I suppose we all hold the mother to a higher standard because in almost every species it's the female who is the nuturerer.

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    1. It is good you also had a bloody wonderful mother, just like I did and I would die for my children there is nothing I would not do to protect them

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  5. I think both are bad but I wonder how a mother that has given birth to a child can be uncaring and abusive to her child. I don't understand it all.

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    1. I also don't understand it, as there is nothing I wouldn't do to protect my child

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  6. My sister is a terrible mother--she's kept 2 of her kids stuck in the system because she refuses to sign the out for foster care or adoption--but she's also managed to refuse in her passive-aggressive way to take care of them herself. Her treatment makes my blood boil more because I am a REAL mom, not just a mom because of biological fact. So, yeah. Bad moms made me madder.

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    1. Thankfully none of my sisters could be called a bad mother but I do so get what you mean I don't understand why some women don't want to do what is best for their child and are so selfish

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  7. I guess bad fathers bother me a bit more because when I was a reporter I had to cover a story about a man who abused his baby son so horribly that the child suffered brain damage. But no doubt there are mothers who have done just as bad.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When I hear about a bad parent I get mad and upset but the bad mother bothers me a tad more

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  8. I'd have to say 60/40. The bad mother makes me ill. Especially if she allows a father to abuse the kids.

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    1. I do not understand how a woman could let some one harm her child.

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  9. I'm with dawn. I can't understand how a mother can be bad to their child.

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    1. Yeah I think all us good mothers don't get it

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  10. Dearest Jo-Anne,
    It is very difficult to even imagine how any mother could NOT care for her child or be loving and protective. Someone stated it correctly, not just because of the biological fact but with all her heart!
    Wish there would be more good mothers and fathers around, that would create a better world but there is so much single-parenting going on and that sadly often leads to part-time LOVE & CARE.
    Hugs,
    Mariette

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    1. I know I am one of those mothers who can not imagine harming my child in any way.

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