Posts
Good
morning world, yes it is still morning here, I was thinking this
morning about writing a little about blame and then when I was busy
reading blogs I came across Louise's blog well came across isn't
right as I usually read her blog anyway she can be found here: http://dareboldly.com/2015/11/23/its-not-my-fault-can-i-blame-you
Now
what made me think about blame this morning was of course two little
boys who like to blame each other for every little thing although
they are cousins they fight like siblings.
Anyway
I was thinking this morning when I was a child was I quick to blame
my siblings for things and you know what I reckon I was, why, well
because I think blaming others comes naturally.
I
don't know why it does it just does, even many adults are quick to
blame and I wonder what it is that we are afraid of that makes us
want to blame someone else for things that go wrong in our own lives.
Not that blaming ourselves is ok either as at times we are quick to
put ourselves down and that type of blaming is not good.
I
know when my girls were little I use to tell them that I would not
always take the word of one child over another without investigating
more, meaning don't come and dob on your sister for no reason or to
just get them into trouble as I will not stand for it. Blain and Leo
have a habit of dobbing on each other just to get the other one in
trouble, ok have to be honest Blain does it a bit more then Leo does.
Leo seems to have a bit more empathy then Blain does.
I
agree that there are cases when telling on someone is the right thing
to do but we as parents and adults have to teach our young when it is
right to tell and when it isn't, we also need to teach them that when
they do something wrong they will be punished and the punishment will
be just, I have never been a fan of telling a child you are grounded
till I say other wise, ok it is ok to say that in the heat of the
moment but once we have had time to calm down we should spell out to
the child what their punishment is and for how long, we don't lock up
people without telling them for how long, you can't throw someone in
jail saying they will stay their till you say otherwise, they have to
be given a time frame and I think the same applies for children when
we ground a child we should say how long they are grounded for.
If
you do something wrong, make a mistake or even deliberately do
something wrong admit it and if you are punished for it than so be it
accept your punishment and move on. That said the punishment has be
fit the deed, I remember many times when the girls would get punished
by Tim for something they did wrong that he would go in my opinion
too far such as grounding them for far too long I use to say that
what they did wrong was like pinching a lolly from a shop and he was
acting like they held up a bank both deeds wrong but one worse the
the other.
I
feel that often now days children/teenagers commit offences and when
they get arrested and go to court nothing happens they get let off
sometimes with a fine they don't pay or community service which they
don't do and this happens over and over again or they blame not
having a stable home for their behaviour over and over again and that
is a cope out. There is no accepting what they did was wrong,instead
they just blame someone else and as such do not learn to deal with
things.
When
we blame others all the time we don't learn how to deal, to accept we
screwed up and how to move on from that and not screw up again.
Yes
when I was younger and I would say drop a glass and break it I would automatically say look what you made me do, when in fact no one made me
do it, it just happened, now that I am older I don't stress over
things like a broke glass or a split drink. I no longer feel the need
to blame someone else for things that happen, I can accept it
happened it may have been my fault it may not have been but really
what is more important is how I deal with what has gone wrong.
I
think teaching our children to not look for someone to blame is the
better way to go as sometimes things happen and no one is to blame.
It's a great pity that people of all ages won't own up to their wrong. Would save a lot of trouble and anguish if the truth was told by the person who did the wrong.
ReplyDeleteYes I agree, the truth is always best
DeleteYou're right--we don't need to worry so much about blame for every little thing. Leave the blame to people who commit serious offenses.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
Yep I think so too
DeleteMy son being an only child didn't have siblings to blame. However, he never accepted responsibility for anything he did wrong. It was the teachers fault, the schools fault, the coach's fault, the other players on the team's fault, etc. That was always a big battle for us. Trying to make him see that he had to admit his faults. He's grown now and much better at accepting his errors.
ReplyDeleteYeah some people from childhood have trouble with accepting that there is no one to blame except themselves or in some cases no one as sometimes stuff happens and no one is to blame
DeleteIn my experience, it's far worse to obfuscate and shift the blame to someone else rather than "manning up" (sorry, that's a sexist term, but it fits here. Even for the ladies) and owning a mistake. I firmly believe people respect that far more.
ReplyDeleteI agree more people need to "man" up or if prefer "woman" up
DeleteI used to have a niece that liked to "dob" us all the time. One time we all got chewed out for something. Just as my mom walked away, my niece looked at us and started crying, "They're laughing at me!" I decided then and their that crap would never fly with me as a parent. Unfortunately, ours just did what was expedient to shut all mouths.
ReplyDeleteMy mum wouldn't accept the word of one child over another which is why I think I am the same, she never liked dobers, she would say telling an adult about a bad thing was ok telling just to cause trouble was not
Delete