Tuesday, 24 November 2015

Blame



Good morning world, yes it is still morning here, I was thinking this morning about writing a little about blame and then when I was busy reading blogs I came across Louise's blog well came across isn't right as I usually read her blog anyway she can be found here: http://dareboldly.com/2015/11/23/its-not-my-fault-can-i-blame-you

Now what made me think about blame this morning was of course two little boys who like to blame each other for every little thing although they are cousins they fight like siblings.

Anyway I was thinking this morning when I was a child was I quick to blame my siblings for things and you know what I reckon I was, why, well because I think blaming others comes naturally.

I don't know why it does it just does, even many adults are quick to blame and I wonder what it is that we are afraid of that makes us want to blame someone else for things that go wrong in our own lives. Not that blaming ourselves is ok either as at times we are quick to put ourselves down and that type of blaming is not good.

I know when my girls were little I use to tell them that I would not always take the word of one child over another without investigating more, meaning don't come and dob on your sister for no reason or to just get them into trouble as I will not stand for it. Blain and Leo have a habit of dobbing on each other just to get the other one in trouble, ok have to be honest Blain does it a bit more then Leo does. Leo seems to have a bit more empathy then Blain does.

I agree that there are cases when telling on someone is the right thing to do but we as parents and adults have to teach our young when it is right to tell and when it isn't, we also need to teach them that when they do something wrong they will be punished and the punishment will be just, I have never been a fan of telling a child you are grounded till I say other wise, ok it is ok to say that in the heat of the moment but once we have had time to calm down we should spell out to the child what their punishment is and for how long, we don't lock up people without telling them for how long, you can't throw someone in jail saying they will stay their till you say otherwise, they have to be given a time frame and I think the same applies for children when we ground a child we should say how long they are grounded for.

If you do something wrong, make a mistake or even deliberately do something wrong admit it and if you are punished for it than so be it accept your punishment and move on. That said the punishment has be fit the deed, I remember many times when the girls would get punished by Tim for something they did wrong that he would go in my opinion too far such as grounding them for far too long I use to say that what they did wrong was like pinching a lolly from a shop and he was acting like they held up a bank both deeds wrong but one worse the the other.

I feel that often now days children/teenagers commit offences and when they get arrested and go to court nothing happens they get let off sometimes with a fine they don't pay or community service which they don't do and this happens over and over again or they blame not having a stable home for their behaviour over and over again and that is a cope out. There is no accepting what they did was wrong,instead they just blame someone else and as such do not learn to deal with things.

When we blame others all the time we don't learn how to deal, to accept we screwed up and how to move on from that and not screw up again.
Yes when I was younger and I would say drop a glass and break it I would automatically say look what you made me do, when in fact no one made me do it, it just happened, now that I am older I don't stress over things like a broke glass or a split drink. I no longer feel the need to blame someone else for things that happen, I can accept it happened it may have been my fault it may not have been but really what is more important is how I deal with what has gone wrong.

I think teaching our children to not look for someone to blame is the better way to go as sometimes things happen and no one is to blame.



10 comments:

  1. It's a great pity that people of all ages won't own up to their wrong. Would save a lot of trouble and anguish if the truth was told by the person who did the wrong.

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  2. You're right--we don't need to worry so much about blame for every little thing. Leave the blame to people who commit serious offenses.

    Love,
    Janie

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  3. My son being an only child didn't have siblings to blame. However, he never accepted responsibility for anything he did wrong. It was the teachers fault, the schools fault, the coach's fault, the other players on the team's fault, etc. That was always a big battle for us. Trying to make him see that he had to admit his faults. He's grown now and much better at accepting his errors.

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    1. Yeah some people from childhood have trouble with accepting that there is no one to blame except themselves or in some cases no one as sometimes stuff happens and no one is to blame

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  4. In my experience, it's far worse to obfuscate and shift the blame to someone else rather than "manning up" (sorry, that's a sexist term, but it fits here. Even for the ladies) and owning a mistake. I firmly believe people respect that far more.

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    1. I agree more people need to "man" up or if prefer "woman" up

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  5. I used to have a niece that liked to "dob" us all the time. One time we all got chewed out for something. Just as my mom walked away, my niece looked at us and started crying, "They're laughing at me!" I decided then and their that crap would never fly with me as a parent. Unfortunately, ours just did what was expedient to shut all mouths.

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    Replies
    1. My mum wouldn't accept the word of one child over another which is why I think I am the same, she never liked dobers, she would say telling an adult about a bad thing was ok telling just to cause trouble was not

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