Wednesday, 9 January 2013

Who should care for us when we can no longer care for ourselves




Not long ago one of my daughters made the comment that when her dad is old and can’t look after himself she wouldn’t be taking care of him, he would be going into a home……………………lol

Now some people would get upset by such a statement but not me or Tim…………….why because we do not want to be a burden on our children when we are old and unable to take care of ourselves. I have always said when that time comes but me in a nursing home, now some people think of nursing homes as terrible places and yes there may be some terrible nursing homes but many a good. They are clean and staffed by caring people who do their best for those who live in the home. 

  
This makes me think about my nan, I can remember my nan saying many times that she didn’t want to go into a nursing home but she really didn’t think there would come a time when she would not be able to take care of herself. However that is what has happened, the Alzheimer’s has taken so much from her, she no longer can walk, bath herself or go to the toilet or feed herself. Even though me and mum go to see her every Wednesday I don’t know if she knows who we are anymore, sometimes she seems to other times she doesn’t.  She thinks of my uncle as a little boy not a man in his 50’s. 

I know some think that we take care of our children when they are young and unable to care for themselves and in such they must take care of us when we are unable to care for ourselves but I am not like that.  I think it is wrong it is one thing if we are able to go to the toilet, bath and feed ourselves but if we can’t do those things we shouldn’t expect our children to do so for us. 

25 comments:

  1. I will have to think about this.

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    1. I think it is something more people need to not only think about but talk about

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  2. I totally agree with you Jo-Anne. My husband and I carry long term care insurance so if and when we need care it is paid for. I don't want to have my kids burdened nor do I want to feel uncomfortable with them helping me in my daily care. Here there are huge differences in the quality of facilities but there are some very well run assisted living centers.

    That is sad about your mum. Alzheimers is one of the saddest diseases on the planet. My grandfather had it but I think he was the only one in my family history so far.

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    1. Yes Alzheimers is such a terrible conditon and it is hard to see my nan some days when she is not good and looks terrible.

      I think most people do not want to be a burden on their children.

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  3. You have a lovely family. Thanks for commenting on my blog today.

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    1. Thank you for popping in and having a read.....and for saying you think I have a lovely family

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  4. I watched my grandparents go into a nursing hime, and while it was traumatic for the whole family, the reality was that it was really the best place for them when they could no longer look after themselves.
    Sometimes it just is impossile for family to look after aged relatives and you are right, nursing homes can be a really caring place for loved ones who just can not mnage without assistance.

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    1. Sometimes it is just a simple fact that some people can no longer look after themselves and if you find a good nursing home they will be better off.

      I think you have to check out the home and yes sometimes you have to take whatever postition that is available but you do not have to leave someone in a nursing home you do not think is up scratch.

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  5. I watched my mother take care of my grandma that had dementia and it was terrible. It took a big toll on my parents. One that I wouldn't wish on anyone. I know when I get to the point I can't take care of myself , I will go to a home not to be a burden on my daughter.

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    1. My pop use to tell mum that a person has to have a lot of patience to care for someone with dementia and she is finding that out for herself as my dad's memory isn't all that good now days.

      My pop use to have to key lock the doors so nan wouldn't be able to get out of the house if he was doing the laundry or going to the toilet.

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  6. My husband and I are like you all. We don't want to be a burden. That's also why we really started focusing on our fitness and health a few years ago so we can sail into our golden years one day in as good a shape as possible. You have a beautiful family~

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    1. I do try to take good care of myself however same can't be said for hubby............lol

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  7. I worry about this at times. It's part of life but it can be difficult if we don't plan for it. :)

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    1. I think so many of us do not think about it or talk about it let alone plan for it.........

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  8. I agree. I don't want to be a burden and like Shelly have focused on my health for the past few yeas just so I can be helpful and "spry" in my golden years.

    :-)

    I am looking forward to being described as "spry".

    Greetings from Minneapolis!

    Pearl

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    1. I would love to be called "spry" myself.............I do try and take care of myself

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  9. I think it all depends on the situation. I don't think I would want to be a burden either. My step father sent my mother to a nursing home when she was in one of her bad states during her run with alcoholism. She didn't know who anyone was and couldn't go to the bathroom because of the meds she was taking. I'm not sure I would have sent her there. It wasn't a very nice place.

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    1. My great aunt was in a nursing home that wasn't that great but it was all they could get her into by the time mum realised we could try and get her moved into another home she passed away......

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  10. I have told my kids to shoot me if I can't take care of myself. Since none of us owns or knows how to use a gun, I doubt that will actually happen. Perhaps they could put pills in my applesauce.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. My dad use to say if I ever start sounding like "old Tom" (his dad) shoot me............a few years back we said to dad one day when he was sounding and acting like his father that it maybe time to go find a gun............it cracked dad up at the time......

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  11. My MIL will be stubborn, but we took out long term care insurance on her years ago so she's covered in any event.
    People live so much longer and they're out of the habit of cohabitation, so caring for elderly parents is a major adjustment.

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    1. Yes I think you are right many people do not know how to live with older or younger generations like they use to way back when......which is sad.......

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  12. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    1. Mare you left a great comment and then you go a remove it oh well I got to read it anyway.....since it was emailed to me............I want to live a long life but not if I am unable to enjoy my life.....

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  13. Having an in-house caregiver would be of great help, too, especially if you don’t want to be in a nursing home. As early as possible, you should plan this thing, particularly if you don’t want to be a burden to your family. But I’m sure taking care of you would be such a privilege for your children, in return for the years that you took care of them. ->Taneka Carl

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