Thursday, 17 September 2009

Just an update


Here I go again I have not been able to post here the last few times I have tried so I will try again. Now how have I been lately well so so except for yesterday when I spent the whole day in bed sick as............................

Other news......... my dad is doing ok he had Chemo again on Monday I think this may have been his last lot of Chemo, he still has to have radio therapy I am hoping at some point he will start to look better as lately when I see him I feel like crying. I don't like seeing my daddy looking so frail.

Tim is still trying to reduce the amount he is drinking although he is still most nights drinking far to much at least a litre of wine a night which is down from the 1.5 to 2 litre he was drinking each night but still a ways to go. He told me he wants to stop drinking by Christmas.

I have had my medication for depression increased again as when I saw the doctor on Tuesday I started crying when talking about my dad, and my girls and how I can't get just one day a week to myself without someone ringing me (usually everyone rings me) or calling in. Like on Tuesday I sent Natasha a text telling her I had a Dr app and could she take me it was in the afternoon but she turned up at 11.30am and got upset with me when I asked you she was here so early and acted like I was the one who was in the wrong because I didn't want her here.

Life feels so hard lately and I often wonder what is the point of anything and I am getting terrible tension headaches again I haven't had tension headaches in years and now I am getting them daily again, I often find myself just sitting with the feeling that everything is just to hard and what is the point of trying anymore. I often feel like I just want to go to sleep for a long time and when I wake up everything will seem easier and better but it's not going to happen.

I hate the way I look I have become so fat and unfit I can't walk very far anymore and that depresses me my clothes don't fit and I want to change things but can't seem to make it happen nothing I do works and yes I do have times when I wonder why I bother but I am still trying. Things have to improve at some point I just don't know when.........................................

3 comments:

  1. Sorry to hear things aren't so good for you at the moment. I sort of know how you feel - I had a lot of things go wrong all at once, and if you added another 'issue' I felt like I couldnt cope. My lack of sleep (due to work) wasnt helping at all - I wish I had seen a doctor back then, because it is taking a long time to feel ok again.

    Glad you have an understanding doctor and I hope the medication helps you out.

    Wishing you some good days! Kim

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  2. Oh Jo-anne I feel your pain...Don`t feel alone though as I think most of us mums go through this....It`s good that you do go to the doctors and get your health sorted..I`m a bad one for not doing this as I hate doctors..lol
    Hope everything does go well for you and your dad...
    Hang in there, things will get better...
    Sending you a big hug...

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  3. Sorry it has taken me so long to comment. I hope you read it. You sound very depressed you poor dear. Keep going to the doctor if you don't improve as they can ty a different medication. When I was in my 40's I had a bout of it and it took the doctor about three weeks to find the right drug for me.Then I had a holiday and came home better.

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